


If We Stop Keeping a Secret

by the_afterlight



Series: Spierfeld Week 2018 [2]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Spierfeld Week, Spierfeld Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 15:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14311983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_afterlight/pseuds/the_afterlight
Summary: No one really knows where soulmates come from. There's no marks, no signs. No writing on your skin, or lightning strikes when you first speak to each other; no chorus of angels the first time you touch. You just wake up one day, andbam. There's someone else in your head.I spent my entire last day of freedom before school starteddesperateto stop the incessant humming that no one else could hear. I thought I was going crazy. It wasn't until I shouted, "Oh my god, shut up!" into my pillow that I had a single moment of blessed silence before I heard a soft voice, out of nowhere, say,Hello?---Simon Spier has a soulmate. They talk every day. He just... doesn't know who it is yet.





	If We Stop Keeping a Secret

**Author's Note:**

> And Spierfeld Week 2018 Day Two! (Belated.) SOULMATES. The catch-up continues.

_So here's the thing about soulmates, Blue. I know, I know. You're going, "But Jacques, I already know about soulmates! I mean, we're soulmates!" But I've been doing some reading, because... Well. Because I had questions, and it's hard to know who to ask. Everyone's always just, "Oh, it'll happen when it happens!" or, "It's this amazing feeling, there's nothing like it!" and they never actually_ say _anything._

_Where was I? Right. So here's the thing. No one knows where soulmates come from, or why some people get them and others don't. They just happen to some people. Like... one in ten people, or one in fifteen, something like that. One study said it was as high as one in five, but they had a ridiculously small sample size, so what do they know? The point is, we're special. It's about as rare as being gay. So I guess we're special twice over. Some people think that soulmates are more commonly same-sex matches, some people think it's less common -- of course, those are usually the, like, bible-thumper, fire and brimstone people, so I think we can probably assume they're biased. Most people studying it, though, seem to think that it's pretty much equal. In the end, it's like the entirety of the field has collectively thrown their hands up and gone, "Who knows? I sure don't." What's a guy got to do to get some concrete answers?_

_..._

_Blue? You listening?_

_Oh, sorry, Jacques, are you done? You were on a real roll with that one, I didn't want to interrupt._

I stifled a laugh. I still hadn't told anyone about my... friend... and I didn't want my parents to wonder what the hell I was laughing at over dinner. It certainly wasn't Nora's stuffed peppers; they were delicious, maybe even her best dinner yet. I guess I didn't cover it as much as I'd hoped, though, because Mom gave me this _look_. It was similar to the, "You're in trouble," look, which I'd seen, uh, a lot, mostly when I was growing up, but it wasn't quite the same. 

I think it meant something like, "You've got a secret." 

But she didn't say anything, and I turned my attention back to stuffing my face so I could talk to Blue without being expected to say anything out loud. _Am I really that bad?_

_I didn't say I minded,_ Blue retorted. _You're cute when you're monologuing._

I grinned around a bite of pepper. _Oh, am I?_

_Aaaaand I've got to go,_ Blue drawled. _Catch you at bedtime?_

_Wouldn't miss it,_ I assured him, and I could feel him grinning as his presence faded.

* * *

So the whole thing started at the end of the summer. No one really knows where soulmates come from. There's no marks, no signs. No writing on your skin, or lightning strikes when you first speak to each other; no chorus of angels the first time you touch. You just wake up one day, and **bam**. There's someone else in your head. 

I spent my entire last day of freedom before school started _desperate_ to stop the incessant humming that no one else could hear. I thought I was going crazy. It wasn't until I shouted, "Oh my god, shut up!" into my pillow that I had a single moment of blessed silence before I heard a soft voice, out of nowhere, say, _Hello?_

So of course I said hello back.

It took us a little bit of time to figure out the rules. Luckily, we weren't just hearing whatever the other person was thinking. With the exception of Blue's humming, that first day, we only heard what the other wanted us to, things that we specifically said to the other. Which is _really useful_ when you're, uh, a teenaged guy, because let me tell you there were a lot of things I was thinking _about_ Blue that I wasn't ready for him to hear. We'd gone a couple of hours, that first day, before we realised that we hadn't introduced ourselves, and there was this moment of hesitation before I heard, _Call me Blue._

It was obviously a fake name, and it's funny, because it circumvented a rule we hadn't figured out yet: we couldn't lie to each other, not like this, but he didn't technically say it was his name. Loopholes! They were going to come in very handy, although we didn't know it yet. _I'm, uh._ I stumbled on my thoughts. _You can call me Jacques._ I still don't really get why we didn't just tell each other our real names, or anything about who we were, but it felt... I don't know. Like it wasn't time. Like we weren't ready. Like if there was an actual person on the other end of this connection, someone I actually knew, all of a sudden it would really be real. So... Blue. And Jacques. 

Looking back on it, we got comfortable with what was happening pretty quickly, faster than I'd have expected. I guess that's part of the whole soulmate package. But it meant that when we started talking, we didn't stop. Little things, at first, because the little things gave less away, but as school got going, we started saying more and more. I didn't even realise he was another Creekwood student at first, until the day he made some passing comment about Mr. Worth. _Wait, you go to Creekwood?_ I asked him, and there was a moment of stunned silence before he replied.

_I, uh, yeah,_ he said, and his voice sounded as shocked as I felt. _You, too?_

_I'm a senior,_ I told him, before realised what I was saying. It was the first really potentially identifying piece of information that we'd shared.

I swear, I could feel Blue hesitating before he said, _Me, too._ He changed the subject pretty quickly, but that was it. That's all it took. I may not have known who he was yet, but all of a sudden, this was a real thing that was happening. I had a soulmate, and I might even already know him. The senior class was big, but it wasn't _that_ big. Chances were...

"Hey, space cadet." Nick plopped down beside me at the lunch table, waving his hand in front of my face. "You okay? You've been out of it all week."

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," I replied, pulling my attention away from Blue with a quick, _Gotta go, sorry!_ "I dunno, I'm just a little distracted, that's all." Abby and Leah took their usual seats on either side of Nick -- that was a situation I _really_ didn't want to get involved in -- and we started chatting over our incredibly appetising cafeteria lunches. A few minutes later, Bram and Garrett sat down beside me, and I grinned over at them.

Huh, I'd never realised how _nice_ Bram's eyes were before.

* * *

"Abby, do you believe in soulmates?"

Abby turned to look at me, but I just kept my eyes forward, watching the road as I drove us home from Waffle House. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her give me this little wry smile, but she just said, "Well, I accept that they exist. It's documented fact, even if they're not all that common. Why do you ask? Think you've found yours?"

My chest tightened, and if my hands weren't gripping the wheel so hard that my knuckles were white, I'm pretty sure they'd have been shaking. "Uh," I said, just the absolute height of eloquence, before abruptly pulling over to the side of the road. I turned off the car -- and yes, my hands were definitely shaking -- and turned to look at her. "So..."

"So...?" she repeated.

I closed my eyes. "I call him Blue."

There was this sound, like the shortest gasp, just this little inhalation of breath, and I opened my eyes to see Abby smiling at me as she said, "Oh."

"I haven't told anyone else yet," I explained. "Not even about... being gay." It was the first time I'd said the words out loud, and it felt good. That surprised me. All this anxiety about saying it, and then it was just this moment of relief. Someone knew. Someone I _loved_ knew. "I'm gay," I said again, and Abby's smile widened.

"Thank you for trusting me," she said, reaching over and grabbing one of my hands. "So tell me about this Blue."

* * *

At lunch the next day, I'm sitting in my usual place beside Bram, listening to Leah describe our French teacher's _epic_ wedgie. "C'mon, Simon, you can tell it better than me," she said, and everyone's attention turned to me.

"Uh, I mean, you're on a roll, though," I manage to reply. Bram put his hand encouragingly on my shoulder and grinned at me, raising his eyebrows in a clear taunt, and as he pulled away, his finger brushed against the skin of my neck. For just a moment, I heard -- I _thought_ I heard -- Blue, some mumble or other, but it faded before I could make out any real words so I ignored it.

Except Bram's eyes were a little wider, and everyone was staring at us in confusion. 

Blue's voice popped into my head. _... Jacques a dit, right?_ and my brain caught up to what was going on. 

I couldn't help it. I blurted out, " _Blue?_ " Bram's eyes grew even wider and he scrambled back, stumbling over some half-hearted apology as he got up, grabbed his bag, and high-tailed it out of the cafeteria before the rest of us could react. Garrett's eyes were wide, too, and Abby had her hands over her mouth, while Nick and Leah looked on in confusion.

Garrett started to get up, but I waved him off, standing up myself. "I'll go after him," I promised, and Garrett nodded.

"If you hurt him, Spier," he growled, but it was half-hearted at best, and he was fighting hard and failing to hide a grin.

"Like I could," I retorted, grinning back. "You and Abby want to fill them in?" I added, nodding to Leah and Nick. "If you think he'd be comfortable with it." Three minutes ago, I wouldn't have thought that _I_ was comfortable with it, but things change when you realise that _Cute Fucking Bram Greenfeld_ is your soulmate. I grinned at Abby. then winced at the look on Leah's face. "Look, I'm sorry I told her first, Leah, but I've really got to find my so- Bram. Find Bram. I promise, I'll explain everything later." And before anyone could say anything else, I was gone.

It wasn't hard to find him. Something had changed when we touched, and it was like I could _feel_ Bram. It was little more than a sense of direction and proximity, which led to a few wrong turns -- it's hard to follow a straight line through a school. But eventually, I found him somewhere I don't think I'd seen him before: in the back row of the audience, staring down at the dark and empty stage.

_Hey,_ I thought at him, sitting down in the aisle seat. It left three chairs between us, but I figured he would probably be more comfortable with that to start with. _You okay?_ Bram looked up at me, and I grinned. "It's you," I said, which felt very intelligent in the moment. Bram's eyes were watering, though, and I moved a couple of seats down, leaving just one between us.

"Are you disappointed it's me?" he asked, and my breath caught in my throat.

"What? No!" I reached out for him and grabbed his hand. It was like the universe exploded in my head. Gasping, we split apart, each holding a hand up kinda uselessly in the air before dropping them. "What-- What was that?" I asked, shaking my head to clear it.

"A chorus of angels?" Bram said, and it took me a moment to place the words. I groaned at him; I didn't think I'd even mentioned that bit to him. "No, I think... I think it might be our thoughts. Not just what we're saying to each other. No barriers." He shrugged, as if to say, "Who knows? I sure don't." Him and everyone else who'd studied soulmates. But it made sense. 

I held my hand up to him, palm forward, and, hesitantly, he brought his up to meet it. They touched, just barely, and it was like I was _buzzing_ , like I could feel-- everything. I don't even know, it's hard to put into words. Chorus of angels, indeed. There _were_ no words, not at this level. There was no talking, just... Just understanding. We just let it happen for what felt like hours, although honestly I think it can't have been more than a few seconds. "That's going to be very distracting the first time we kiss," I said, laughing, and Bram choked before laughing with me.

His eyes bright with mischief, Bram just grinned and asked, "Want to find out?"


End file.
